The Two Types of Tired.

I have become convinced in recent weeks that there are two types of being tired.

There is no detailed  evidence or research for this, nor have I done any background reading to support my claims. The closest I have to empirical information for this is my own feelings based upon two time frames.

Firstly the long drawn out winter months of marking tests, coursework and books. That draining work based tired that is more tiredness of the soul. Any student who has completed a caffeine sponsored dissertation or essay before getting up the next day for lectures and submission knows this feeling. It is the tiredness born out of work. That is to say a tiredness forced upon you because you had to get something done for someone else.

This is guess is one of the main gripes people have about work/life balances. You work hard for someone else, you get tired for someone else and you make sacrifices for someone else and in the most cynical of statements the then ask you to repeat this process ad infinitum. This is the tiredness that you can't shake. Like stale cigarette smoke on your clothes from days before the smoking ban, even when you wash you still feel it - that morning shower doesn't truly shake it. It''s also true to say that the rest of your life can be seen through the fog of this tired. Food becomes an escape something to comfort eat to make you feel happier and activities get reduced down to sitting in front of TV to 'unwind'. Occasional forays into midweek entertainment (gigs, cinema, meals out etc) seem to elevate the burden of the work tired but you know, somewhere in the recesses of you mind that work looms.

This all sounds thoroughly gloomy and downbeat but as a teacher my colleagues and I know this well. The week before a school holiday morning conversations are very similar 'morning, I am so tired today! Still one week to go.' Or words to this effect. Perversely one week into the new term and conversations run along the lines of 'I am so tired already, feel like I never had a holiday'.

Try spotting this now you know of it, I guarantee the amount of times people talk about being tired will surprise you. This by the way is called the Baader-Meinhof phenomena - once we are aware of something we spot it more often because our minds are alerted to it.  

So, the work based feeling of being exhausted and mentally drained is pretty horrific and common.

However there is a second, deeper level of tiredness. The tiredness of exercise.

I have felt this before during my ultra marathon training but having been cycling and not running for nearly two years I think my mind buried these feelings deep and hidden somewhere. This however has all changed in the last few weeks.

This actually begins at Christmas and a 'gift' of a triathlon entry. So far so good, a thank you for the gift and a move on to other cycling adventures. However for some reason over the last month it started to dawn on me that training for this might actually have to happen. This was crystallised by a painful duathlon experience. The 3 mile run was slow and plodding but not too painful, the 15 mile ride again was fine (although I miss counted by two laps), All of which means my training has significantly increased in the past few weeks.

It was a case of very little exercise all week and probably a ride on a Friday night, maybe a ride or run at some point over the weekend.

This was a huge change from commuting in on the bike 3/4 times a week and a long weekend ride either off road or on over the weekend. At first I hadn't physically felt much my fitness or physique slipping away. However very quickly (once training again) I have noticed how far away from where I felt I was that I am.

That is to say I have gotten a bit fat and wheezy.

So first thing to go was booze. Not for any major training reason but the extra calories in my beloved pale ales and porters where just something I could do without. I also switched my meals around a bit focusing on energy shakes in the morning and recovery shakes after exercise - all made with fresh ingredients and no powders etc. The final change was one really that was more for the benefit of my girlfriend and so dairy and gluten have been slashed from the diet. This has been replaced with way more vegetables and protein rich foods.

The other significant change has been in my sleeping habits. For a long time I would wake up at 4:30 and roll over and sleep again until my alarm went off at 6 and then drag myself out of bed to get ready for work any time between 6 am and 6:30 and aim to be on the road by 7. However one issue with upping a training regime is fitting in training around 'real' life. Often work has to be done at home and my evenings are already pretty busy as it is - and this is without having any children or animals demanding extra time of me. There is a lot of my job that I ignore or try to get done during 'office hours' but there is always some overspill, meaning a training plan in the evenings is not something I can 100% commit to.

This has meant getting up at 5am to go for a run or a ride/run combo at least 3 times a week in order to get some exercise in. On the most part the early starts have been exciting and fun and starting the day with exercise is a very satisfying way to go about things. None of these early morning sessions are of an extreme intensity and none last longer than 50 minutes. However they are noticeable in that I am already starting to feel much fitter and my /km times are starting to drop.

In addition to this I have been swimming more and more regularly. Going from 1 session a week to 3 swims and a pretty busy race calendar coming up, not only in order to practice and get used to the water but also to keep the motivation going for when I start feeling the strain of doing extra.

To avoid burnout I have aimed to progressively increase distance and intensity of sessions so that I am pushing to 75-80% each time (a HR monitor watch has been invaluable for this) and then be able to go back out the next day. I have also factored in rest days to allow my body to recover and rebuild from the previous few days exertions and catch up on work/life that has been moved slightly while I train.

However.

I still feel bloody tired all the time.

Yet this is a different tiredness. OK so it is still exhaustion and a feeling of being ruined, but it is not so much a mental weariness. It is firmly in my arms and legs and general body. It is a feeling of pushing yourself and trying to find the next place to go to keep on moving.

And it feels good.

Obviously the body chemistry inside me is going mental, endorphins and dopamine are being produced continually and hurling themselves around, I can't wait to get back into the water and swim again because it scares the hell out of me and has a huge danger element to it. I can't wait to get back out running because afterwards when you finish a session and your lungs are burning and your feet are sore, well you feel like a hero. A euphoric high if you will.

As always any excuse to get out on the bike is easy to take - cycling is the greatest.

So this is the point (as ever, if there is one) the first type of tiredness comes from work and mental fatigue and is hard to shake because it makes your life feel like it is on rails. A mind numbing procession from from Monday to Friday only stopping to eat some food, watch some TV and climb in and out of bed.

The second is far more exciting, that is to organise your time differently and really go for something, lock-stock, and make yourself tired for you. For doing the things your enjoy and roll with that feeling of tiredness because you know that the reason for being so ruined is worth it, that you can't wait to get to that stage again because it makes you feel in control, free, alive.

In the battle of the two types of tired I know which side I would pitch my tent. Only you won't find me in it, I will be out on my bike (any excuse!).

Riding Snowdon

You often hear people talk about taking themselves out of their comfort zones. Often it is said in a matter of fact way as if it is the most natural thing in the world to do something that is truly beyond what you can do. Be that to do with fitness, fear or just general lack of skills. However we all know that to truly push yourself is hard, and in most instances very scary.

Sometimes people suggest ideas to you about something that you know, in the base of your skull, will take you way beyond your comfort zone. Something like riding Mount Snowdon.

The concept is easy enough; take the Llanberis path up the mountain, have some photos at the summit and then ride down the Rangers path back to Llanberis itself.

Sounds so easy, a bit of nice cross country riding, people do it all the time. Why not give it a go?

Then you commit to the idea, you say ‘yep I am up for that’, you prepare for a riding holiday with this one ride the shining jewel in your week. You are excited; here is a true adventure, a big challenge for you, something you know that when you have finished it you will be dining out on for ages; ‘I rode Snowdon’.

Then the day arrives, still feeling good you head off from your campsite. Winding around the valley roads you get your first look at the mountain, your heart sinks a little. Is it really that big? Is it really that rocky? How much further into the cloud is the summit?

You talk to the local bike shop who tells you how tough it can be, what to look out for, how dangerous some parts are and where not to go in order to get lost and end up on a different route entirely. You realise that you are less fit, less capable and on worse machinery than your friends. You feel like you will blow up on the mountain, get lost, come off. You read a guide book about it, one that talks about the dangers of the ride. It rates it double black. Double black you think, does that even exist?

You can’t back out, you try to tell yourself that you have enough food, enough drink, you will ride what you can and if it gets too much get off early and navigate down. You will attempt it; you will be fine, even though you feel this is too much, too far beyond you, you convince yourself that all will be good.

You push as many bad thoughts out of your head, negative thoughts will do you no good at all. You begin the ride, the road up from Llanberis to the start of the path is steep, so steep your friends drop you almost instantly. Soldiering on in the granny ring you reach the trail. The bike hike – ride when you can pattern has begun.

You admire the view, you chat to people coming back down. Inch by inch and step by step you begin to relax. You begin to, and whisper this, enjoy it.

The fear and apprehension over the ride begins to dissipate. It is replaced by building excitement. The wish to ride down the other side grows and grows.

Slowly you make your way up the mountain. You catch your friends when they stop for a drink and photo break. You feel fresher than you thought you might, the whole psychology and outlook of the adventure changes. Positive vibes and feelings course through you and before you know it you have crested the summit.

You begin to ride down off the summit, blanketed in clouds. You are hyper alert, your lines are smooth, your pace steady but not quick. Then the conditions change. The weather smiles on you and the clouds part. Everyone stops in their tracks and admires the stunning view afforded to you. This is what it is to feel truly alive, this is what adventures are. This is why we push ourselves to seek out things we thought might be beyond ourselves.

You begin to ride down the Rangers path, there are bits that are beyond you but it doesn’t matter, you feel no shame walking down some of the boulder sections. However you feel huge a huge sense of achievement when you ride down some tricky bits, even though you see your mates ahead of you pulling away it doesn’t matter, you are making it down. Slowly and steadily you are doing it.

Carefully and deliberately you pass the hardest sections and the ride begins to get easier, you catch up with your friends fixing a mechanical at the foot of the mountain by a lake. It is a stunning place to stop and fix a flat, you look back. Did I ride that? Yes I did. I did ride that and I rode more than I walked too!

You are still not fully home, a short climb up to a section with badly placed stone drains (which will claim 3 more inner tubes) waits.

However these are footnotes to the tale.

You know you have made it up Snowdon and most importantly back down Snowdon in one piece.

You started nervous and finished confident. You completed the ‘best ride ever’ and an ‘epic adventure’.

You pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and in doing so set a new parameter for where that comfort zone is. You have grown as a person by riding, who knew it could all get so deep?

Still buzzing at the end you look at your friends over a beer and ask the question ‘so, what are we going to do next year?

Photographs by Geoff Flower.

Road and trail, where do I stand?

There are about 3 or 4 topics I want to write about. However they are longer posts and deserve more reading and editing.

Currently I am sat in a plush hotel suite about to turn 30. I have started writing in a diary and have also begun a physical bike log.

Both of these new editions I will talk about in another blog post however for now the point is, as I sip my second glass of Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin champagne, I need to get something off my chest.

I love cycling.

There phew I feel better.

However I do not care what form of cycling I am doing.

Lately as you know I have purchased and been riding a little BMX. So much fun, so much pain to fall off.

I also have been hitting the trails hard.

I have given up on Strava.

All of this should point to my total movement away from roads and to the dirt. I love being out in woods, thrashing about on trails and exploring the landscape.

Except.

I never feel 100% comfortable.

I love it, but in the way you love someone who is bad for you. The way you love someone who you know, deep down, is going to hurt you.

Today I did a blast on the road bike. I planned it last night, I worked out the route and I was only out for 42 minutes.

It was literally a short ride.

However it just felt like home.

I talk a lot about the feel of things with my bike mates. We talk about how roadies tend to feel more serious and anal about things. How mountain bikers seem to be more chilled out.

Yet I feel I straddle both camps. I love the chilled out carefree nature of a mountain bike ride. However I just don't feel I really one hundred percent belong there.

Yet I am not a weight weeny, time trialing, uber serious, power output roadie.

Although I think I could be if I let myself go for it.

I think the truth of what I am might be in the middle somewhere. I think my light carbon road bike may have been a bike that maybe I should not have gotten.

I think I should have purchased a tourer with paniers and I should be built for comfort.

The journey is more important maybe?

Or perhaps I should get a cyclocross bike and go for the halfway house?

Most likely I maybe should stop worrying.

I shouldn't care about what I am or where I best fit.

Maybe I should continue to just enjoy being on my bike. To keep getting fitter, stronger and better.

Oh and to keep finding new routes to enjoy/endure.

So this happened...

Having spoken to some people on a mountain bike forum about the bikes that we all wish we still had I decided my BMX was the bike I missed the most.

A quick scout in gumtree saw one locally for sale cheaply. So I plumped for it.

Turns out it was an ex students bike his parents were making him sell.

So I now own a BMX.

Awesome.